Well, just to be honest, I am super lazy when they aren’t around. This is going to be a boring post about my non-life, really. Sorry.
Yesterday I arranged for the kids to go with their dad early so I could head for the beach for the day. Only it was a super rainy day at the beaches in Florida that are closest to us. I had to deal with my disappointment again. Because at first I’d arranged that so I could go on a trip with my bestie to the panhandle for a whole weekend at the beach. She had to work and couldn’t go so we went for a day. I couldn’t take my kids because they are finishing at their school and I didn’t want them to miss good byes and parties on friday. They will both be in a new school next year so it’s especially important to have time to say good bye. Especially for Eli who is going to have everything change next year. New school, new teacher. In a way that’s good because he needs to know that changing is part of life, but in a way it’s scary too. His current teacher has had him for 3 years of his 5 years in school so it will be hard.
But I digress. I was disappointed with not being able to have a proper beach day. We’ve rescheduled for monday now, and we will go thursday too if the weather is nice, so there will be plenty of beach time. The following week will begin my job taking care of my friends little girl and summer school for Eli as well as the curriculum my little girl and her friend designed to do over the summer. I am pretty excited about that. We will go to the library this week to get several books to help us along with our fun.
Back to the weekend, though. They aren’t here. I miss them because I didn’t have a good afternoon without them yesterday. I missed my normal time with them that leads to me being relieved for a time that I’m catching a break. So I’m a bit out of sorts myself. I am trying to be compassionate with myself and understand my feelings and just in general forgive me and let myself be a lazy bum if I want to be. I didn’t get up until 9:30 and I woke up with a great idea for a novel which is fading as we speak. This happens to me a lot. I spent about 15 minutes after I woke up trying to flesh it out. It’s about a girl who is human and meets a bunch of magic using fairies who pass as human and falls for a half evil one who is ready to turn good just to have her but gets thwarted by his family over and over again.
Again, I digress. This is what I do on these weekends if I don’t have anything fun scheduled. I sit and think too much and play stupid games and just get more and more frustrated that the children are not here. I know if they were here we wouldn’t be doing anything special or fun. We’d be home, with the TV blaring, and my daughter begging for junk food and to go play with her friend. I’d probably take her over there to play and swim and just jabber with my bestie. We’d come home and have supper, TV blaring, Eli bouncing around the house with joy at being able to do whatever he likes. I have figured out how to get him swimming again. Using his favorite sodas as reward really helps. I have to figure out what else he can do.
At any rate…I’m bored. This is a boring blog post. Such is life. I am not complaining. I am trying to go ahead and relish the quiet time, be jazzed over laundry that needs doing, relax and enjoy being alone and quiet. It’s not very easy. I seem to prefer the chaos and normality that is having my children at home. With the first set of kids, I was never alone when they were gone. I was always in another relationship. This is really quite nice, having alone time that I never got when I was younger due to my jumping into every relationship too fast and never letting myself live alone due to fear.
I like being alone, here with my thoughts and hopes and dreams. I think I know what direction to take my life, even. At least today I do! When I’m back in my chaos with kids, I will be busy with them instead.
I know many people don’t get it, but being a mom is a full time, all consuming, fun job. I love doing it and I’m going to be sad when these younger ones grow up and move out for good. Wait, Eli will probably always be here, or close by, so maybe not so sad after all. I miss the noise, but I am doing my best. Relish life.
Relish the quiet times. Enjoy the smells and sounds of silence.
Sounds good on computer paper…not so much in reality.