But Friday I finally beat cigarettes! I have not smoked since that morning when I slipped for the last time. I’m very proud of myself! Of course, I followed that by several crazy days in which I visited family and got food poisoning.
In the past, getting sick actually would have made me feel a ton of stress, which would have made me smoke more. So I’m really glad I rose to that challenge! As of today, I’ve saved 40 dollars just by not buying smokes for me and my daughter. 40! That blows me away!
So, Sunday we went to visit down in orlando. First we stopped over at my cousin’s house, where his wife is still living while he finishes up Army training. Soon they’ll both be in Savannah (which I am excited about..I get to go to Savannah for a reason :D) so I’m glad we took the time to see them before they went further away. Her kids are just so darling, and she’s a very cool mama despite being so young. She and Alexis are more of an age. That’s been the weirdness of my family on that side. I am my mother’s oldest daughter and my youngest 1st cousin is just about a year or so older than my son Jake. I think. She might be younger! At any rate, through me, my grandmother has 4 great-grandchildren and one of them is older than her youngest grandchild. Also she now has a great-great-granchild (Acacia). Now isn’t it cool to live long enough to see your great-greats??? I think so. So our second stop on Sunday was to take all the kids over to see my grandmother. (my kids call her GGma). She is getting pretty old, but seemed happy to see all of us. I wish we could have stayed for a longer visit, but Eli was awfully antsy and the baby was fixing to be very loud. At least she got a chance to meet the baby and see my small kids again. I don’t care to predict how much longer she’ll be around, but I know it’s hard for us to travel down even only 2 hours away, so I am grateful we got a chance this month.
I can hardly believe that at the age of 45, I still have a living grandparent, especially since my parents are both deceased. Being there, seeing her artwork made me see how much my littlest girl resembles my mother from the nose up. That was surprising! I wonder if my mom noticed that before she died. She only met Sophie the one time…and all I can remember her saying is “I was a bald baby too”. But, Mom, if you are out there, Sophie really looks like you. Only this time, your curse works because she is just like me! Funny how that can be. At any rate, my grandmother had lots of comfortable things around her, and her room looked cozy. I hope she is happy there. Sophie was a little intimidated by how old she looked because only a few years ago she was OK and on her own when Sophie met her for the first time. And Sophie was SO excited to see her again, she even made me style her hair the same way as the first time she met her. Then Sophie had trouble getting past the very old woman on the bed. I understood that, and we talked it over later.
It’s hard to explain to a sweet and sensitive 6 year old that life changes us. We grow older, and if we’re lucky, we grow very old and we get to see generations of family. But inevitably, we all die. Sophie was charmed by the idea of immortality through genetics. I told her that it means a lot to me to see some of my mother’s face in her because that way we know my mother lives on through us all. I see all these people in my family existing in my children and it’s a beautiful thing. I can look at my grandchild and see my eye shape and know that a piece of me exists in her, and thus it will in her children and their children. That is an amazing thing. Sophie thought so, too.
I talk about all this, because the hope is that I heal from the damage smoking did to me and my body, and I get to live long enough to see great grandchildren at the very least. How amazing that will be! I think it’s pretty possible now, but smoking the way I was, I didn’t have a lot of hope that my health would hold up for 40 more years. Now, I really have that hope back and I am grateful for it. I am extremely grateful that someone (probably a lot of someones really) found a pill that would help a motivated person really quit smoking. I am so happy about that!
So here’s to breathing, to feeling better, to smelling, to soft skin, to clean air..