Well, folks, it finally got here. Quit day. It was yesterday and boy was I scared. Turns out, I didn’t need to be afraid of the desire to smoke, I needed to be afraid of not drinking coffee! Yes, the biggest side effect all day was a really huge headache due to not drinking coffee. That’s what I get for trying to kill two birds with one stone, I suppose.
So, this morning I got up and had coffee and my headache magically evaporated. Amazing! And, the desire to smoke is virtually nil. I had some stressful moments last night and today that were hard to get through, though.
Anyway, I did slip. I won’t lie because my daughter reads this thing and she’d call me on it. (I might have been tempted otherwise, ya know). Also, I think people should KNOW the real process I am going through here. Every day I take the little pills, I do the little exercise, I think of the reason I’m quitting (I want to get healthy and feel better about myself, and I don’t want my kids exposed to it any longer), then I try to conquer it all day. So, I’ve slipped but it’s not major, because what happens is I take a puff or two and I’m grossed out and put it out. I am really amazed at going from 20 plus a day to almost none with very little withdrawal and very little desire to smoke. I do feel a bit “cloudy” tonight and I suppose that is normal, but overall I feel ok. Usually I’d sit here writing about smoking and it would make me want to go have one, but tonight I don’t feel that way..I just want to get this out of me and go to bed 😀
In other news, Sunday (the day before quit day thankfully) I had to let the X come here with the kids so we could clean out the garage. Over the time we were together we accumulated quite a load of C. R. A. P. that all ended up in the garage. Now, I don’t know if you are aware of this, but in Florida, we have these gigantic bugs called Palmetto bugs that look like supersized roaches. They fly, too. We also have other super sized bugs, but I’ll get to that one later in the story. So, these super sized bugs like to come and live inside the garage when it gets cold out…or pretty much anytime. I’m so happy I rarely see them in the house (thank you cats) that I tend to not think about them being in there. So, that is NOT fun when trying to poke through a box to see what’s in there. I was literally prepared to throw away everything in the garage just so I didn’t have to deal with bugs.
Also, tbh, the cats thought the ton of boxes and papers were kind of a giant litter box. So…bugs and cat pee. I bought gloves..should have bought a mask, but instead if I couldn’t handle something, well, what’s the perfect revenge? Get the X to do it 😀 Yes, I am a wimp.
Have you ever noticed if you are a single woman/mom, that when there are no men around, you are suddenly just fine mowing lawns, cleaning trash, killing bugs and spiders, touching lizards, snakes, frogs, whatever?? I swear this is true! But the minute that a guy is around, you become a squeamish mess and let him do it all? It’s ALSO true!!
So, it took us all of 2 hours to separate the few things we’re keeping or donating from the enormous amount of accumulated trash. (this included 2 car seats that expired a few years ago). Then he hung around my house while Alexis was out with the kids, all the while he is saying he wants to go take a shower. I am thinking, “Well, then why aren’t you leaving to do that?” while he seems to want to hang around and talk about random stuff. I literally cannot remember what we talked about. All I remember is wondering in the back of my mind, “Why is he still here?????”. So, the kids came home, and he was STILL HERE. By the way, his smell reminded me why I am glad he is gone. I really don’t like his sweaty man smell one little bit. I can’t think of a person who’s BO turns me on, though, so that’s no surprise, right? Then, he orders pizza that he’s supposed to pick up in 20 minutes, he disappears for like an hour..comes back freshly showered with not so fresh pizza. grrrrr. More reasons why we aren’t together. He is irritating!
All I can say is, at least he wasn’t creepy trying to hug me. He seems to get that I don’t like that.
So, today he came with a uhaul to haul the trash and recycling off to the junkyard. This took all of 20 minutes to load up which was nice. Would have been 10 minutes, but I opened a box to see if it was recyclable stuff and there was the biggest spider I have ever seen in my life that wasn’t a tarantula. It was HUGE. I shrieked and ran out of the garage. Alexis had to go see it…she said the exact same thing I did, “That’s the biggest spider I’ve ever seen!!” and walked away quickly. The X saw it. He got a hammer. I went inside…I didn’t want to see a spider that big get smooshed. I mean, GROSS! I then became afraid to keep helping with the trash. I am quite happy the giant spider is gone, though, because there are a few boxes of my mother’s dishes I need to repack into plastic bins and I don’t want to sit there and think, “I hope that gigantic spider isn’t in here” or I’ll never do it. Bad enough there is the bugs…
Anyway…I got through it without killing the X or myself on both days. I was very happy when he left on both days. I could seriously do without ever seeing him again…if he wasn’t the kids’ dad I think that’s how I’d want to play that.
However, maybe he explains why I suddenly had to slip today…him and the spider. Maybe just him. Maybe just the spider.
Maybe I really don’t have an excuse…I’m not upset though, I forgive me for being wimpy and for slipping..there is a huge difference between 20 plus a day and a few slips, really. Tomorrow is another day 😀 Someday in the very near future I can say, I don’t smoke. 😀
Have a wonderful tomorrow!