I am having an illogical night. We had a very busy day today. I like to be busy, it keeps my mind from starting down the path of yukky thinking.
We went to see my best friend and her family, we went to a fun birthday party for the little one Allie watches, we did a lot and wore ourselves out. The kids had a great day. They even got to go to bed late and Sophie is camping out in my room tonight just for special fun with mom.
So, why the heck am I so moody????? It should have been a great day and it was, but I am grumpy about not being in a relationship. I am grumpy about not having someone to share it with at night and cuddle with while we talk. I am sad.
I know it’s illogical and I feel like I should be apologizing for it. I should just be satisfied with how well things went today and enjoy what has been and loving on my kids and just relaxing with some coffee, etc.
It all started with the nap. I took a nap, which was wonderful. I loooooove naps. Naps are just the best things in the world. Alexis woke me up to tell me I needed to feed the kids. So, we got a late start on dinner, which was discombobulating, and then late getting kids to bed and the house is cluttery and messy because the kids are home and all of that makes me feel down and blue. Allie’s baby is very fussy tonight so she really can’t help and I don’t mind that normally but I’m feeling that “lack of partner” thing because of it. I miss being able to take a break and have someone else really pick up the slack.
This made me want to talk to my two male friends, so I messaged each one, but being a silly female I didn’t tell them what was actually going on with me, instead I made stupid jokes so they would talk to me. That went over like a lead balloon, because the silly, moody woman thinks they should KNOW…well, they are just friends, so how can they know if I don’t tell them? For that matter..none of us are mind readers.
I just feel moody and out of sorts. Probably it’s that old good mood killer of the month, plus the ton of pollen in the air making me feel yukky, that’s causing the problem.
I just wish I could kick myself or something. Or maybe it’s OK to be moody? I think maybe it is. Maybe I should be sitting here living in the moody moments just as much as I school myself to live in the happy moments. Maybe that’s OK. Maybe…
Still, I want to kick myself. Also I’m writing this thinking, “Who is going to want to read anything I say after THIS post?” But the thing is, I want to be real with myself and with anyone who is reading. And being real means admitting to my faults and my utter humanity. I am human and I am female and I have days where no matter how great it was, I still feel moody about things. Tomorrow I’ll be fine, but for today, I’m going to live in this mood and admit that there are always going to be times when I miss being in a relationship. I don’t miss the faulty parts or the bad parts or any of that, I miss the good parts…the satisfaction of being alone together after a long, busy day, and the sharing our lives parts..I miss those. I miss the physical presence and touch, more than I expected.
So, I’m moody….it is what it is. Here’s hoping tomorrow I can be my usual bubbling happy self because I allow myself to be inside my emotions instead of stuffing them aside. Maybe having a place to get it all out of my system will help. Maybe going to bed will help…except it’s 10:20pm and Eli is still bouncing around, so that might be a while. I know getting up tomorrow and cleaning up the house will help.
Tomorrow we do taxes. I am praying for a refund and something to look forward to. I hope it happens, I could use something like that right now.
I am a little sorry for sharing myself this way and being real, because it might chase off my 9 loyal readers, but trust me…it’s just for today. Tomorrow …
The Sun Will Come Out in Florida tomorrow and the weather will be glorious again and I will get out and enjoy it and get some claritin 😀
Good Night 😀