Finding Time…losing Time.

Ok, so I completely forget things sometimes. Like I forgot that I’ve dedicated myself to doing this blog thing once a day and completely skipped Tuesday and Wednesday. Only excuse I can come up with is my life is busy! If you’ve ever been a single parent or are one now, you know what I mean. Especially with school aged kids, it’s just a never ending whirlwind, even though they go to school.

I am jobless right now, but decided the thing to do to fill my time was to volunteer with the Humane society, mostly because I really adore my cats, but also because I needed something to do to start entering into the real world gently. Something I’d want to go do as often as I could and would make me look forward to my tomorrows more than just being with the little ones. I also volunteer at Sophie’s kindergarten class once a week and had to attend a breakfast at school yesterday.

That breakfast was truly fun. The food, eh, but the kids singing cute songs and the conversation with one of the class moms was pure enjoyment. I didn’t expect to have fun, so that made it that much better. So thanks to Nicholas’ mom for making my morning interesting and fun. I don’t think she reads here, but you never know. Turns out she’s a really smart lady who just happens to teach Special Needs Education as a professor. So very interesting to talk to her 😀

So, the last couple of days have been filled with getting my volunteer position all arranged, taking care of kids, making sure I spend quality time with them, taking care of my grandchild while Alexis goes off to work at the humane society (she’s volunteering there too), etc. By 3pm every day I’m exhausted and still feel like there’s so much to do I can never keep up.

Between cleaning, caring for kids, spending time with kids, getting them good food to eat, taking them to play with other kids, caring for the adult kid (she’s had some back issues lately) and her kid, feeding everyone, driving people where they need to go, laundry and more laundry…I feel like the hours slip by and at 3pm I need a nap but always have to opt for coffee because there is really not much room for breaks in the life of a single parent, even with the great support I have from my adult daughter.

One of the reasons I actually look forward to evenings like tonight, when my children go with their daddy, is because I actually have time to sit down in front of the television and DO NOTHING. That is at a premium these days and to be treasured. Just sitting there laughing at silly television shows and not really having to move off the couch for an hour is like diamonds and gold and platinum all together.

The funny thing is, right before I get this luxurious time, the children act like complete maniacs for some reason. I don’t get this phenomena, but my older kids used to do the same thing before a weekend with their dad, just drive me up 12 walls so that I’d be grateful they were going and I could breathe again. What is UP with that? Why can’t we just enjoy each other for the last hour or so before they leave? Why do they have to become short hooligans whom I almost always have to scream at?

I found the solution to this, IF I have the energy, is to put on music and ask everyone to engage in a round of “crazy dancing”. It works off the nervous energy and usually makes us all collapse in heaps of giggling cuteness. It’s like telling a toddler to wiggle the sillies out, same principle..dance the nervous energy out so your mother does not kill you before your father shows up.

The problems arise when I don’t have the energy…so I am going to have to regularly put on tea or coffee at 3pm in order to crazy dance every monday and thursday, just to keep my children from making me an insane puddle of exhaustion.

Makes so much sense now why I look tired and have no time for dating! As soon as they go, I collapse, exhausted and sweaty from my 2ce weekly exercise session (it’s all I seem to find time for) with the kids and just lay there on the couch to try to recharge. I look a mess and I’m tired, so the last thing I feel like doing is sprucing up and heading out to find a man who would want to date a tired 45 year old mom of four, one of whom has autism. I don’t really blame them. I’m not at all certain I want to date any man and have to deal with their stuff on top of the stuff I already deal with.

Just some of the stuff I struggle with. On weekends when the kids aren’t home, sometimes I feel lonely, but mostly I feel like it’s the only time to catch up with what I didn’t get done all week (like cleaning this tiny house that gets messy 5 seconds after the kids come home).

I’m beginning to think there’s no room in my life now, or maybe ever, for a relationship. It’s all good. I have friends, who I already have trouble keeping in touch with or seeing because of extreme business. I’m just going to try to remember to thank every one of them this week for being there for me.

Good theme. Be grateful for what you have and let your friends know how much you love them. 😀

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Megan Jobes

About to graduate college, moving into a job in the computer programming industry

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