Valentine’s Day

I figure it’s a good sign that I’m tired, right? It means I didn’t spend my day wallowing in self-pity. Actually, I didn’t! Thank goodness for that. I focused on my children, and on enjoying everything I could.

Ok, sometimes during this day, I admit, I thought about revenge. I created little fantasy scenarios in my head about the X begging to come back and me telling him where to stuff it. I did that, and I’m not proud, but I’m also not sorry. Sometimes you get to fantasize about the things you never got to do or say.

Honestly, though, mostly I concentrated on just making it a productive and lively day. I didn’t have enough time to sit around and grumble about how I’d hurt him harder than he ever hurt me. Really.

Ok, I did that, too.

So, what does this say about me? I’m not perfect. I’m ok with that. I don’t mind being not perfect. Years ago this would have really annoyed me, that I wasn’t the perfect woman who only had nice thoughts about people who have wronged me in some way.

I did pray today, too. Yes, even though I am not really christian and I don’t have answers about who/what God is, I believe in a higher power enough to pray regularly and often. I prayed today to stop having nasty thoughts, I prayed for my happiness and my children’s well being and happiness, too. I spent a lot of time praying for patience and good will. I also said thanks a lot.

Yup, thank yous for the blessing of my children, and my grandchild. Thank you for letting me have a home and a life and letting me have the time to feel my way through my difficulties. Thank you for making me so lucky. All those things.

I agree that sometimes the answer to feeling all that bad stuff is to pray, to reflect on good stuff, to enjoy moments of gratitude for the simple things.

Aren’t I a good girl? Well, no, I’m not., because as soon as he left with my younger kids tonight, my first thought was “What an arrogant ass”…because he gave us all stupid little boxes of sweetheart candies. Hey, jerk! I feel gypped! I also wasn’t going to give you a darn thing, you aren’t worth it, ya creep. Yep…not a good girl.

So now you know. I hope you don’t hate me, but if you do I’ll never know about it, because I’m going to go on living in my happy little world anyway. No offense meant, but I do work pretty hard each day to get past the bitterness. This is a really hard time of year now, thanks to finding out about the other woman and then throwing him out..and then finding out about ALL the OTHER women, this time last year…and acting like a complete basketcase for months afterward. Everything I did was normal, though.

It is pretty hard on an aquarian woman to find out she’s really stinking normal, you know that? I want to be told I’m weird, I’m unique, I’m an individual. But the bald fact is, everything I went through in the last year, and continue to go through today. Normal.

Ok…enough downers. Actually, I had a really good day mostly. I had quiet time this morning to get my new volunteer job squared away, I did some research on becoming a virtual assistant. I wasted some time and played the game I’m addicted to on facebook (zuma blitz. The game is so addicting and I’m so competitive I routinely want to eliminate friends who beat my pants off….be warned!! LOL), then got dressed and went off to my littlest girl’s class to partay with the bebe’s 😀 I really had fun with that. Then got home and had lunch and got Eli and snuggled the heck out of him, then found his stash of valentines and candies..and was all happy because he doesn’t like chocolate and there was a lot of chocolate! Go me! I got to eat some! Then got Sophie and all her fun stuff, and gave them each a marshmellow surprise…Eli ate his in record time and Sophie didn’t like hers so she traded Eli for his chocolate…voila, all is well. (Except mommy didn’t get the rest of the chocolate darnit). I’m glad they went to daddy’s so I can sleep in tomorrow.

I swear I won’t wallow tonight, either. I’m really happy being single and can’t even imagine myself in a relationship right now. I still have a lot of work to do.

I’m off to lay around and watch TV and be a lump. I’m half tempted to go out and get some chocolate, though. Anyone out there willing to donate me some chocolate…I’ll be home all night 😀

Happy Love Day to all of you!

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Megan Jobes

About to graduate college, moving into a job in the computer programming industry

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